oh god the rape fog is back!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
