STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
