You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
sex in a hospital.. check
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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