Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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