You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She just used a chaser for red wine.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
