He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
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I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
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Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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