We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
