Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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