Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
