im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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