So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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