i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
