do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
