I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
