you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
