The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
