Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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