I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
