When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
