you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
