The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
