wrigley field is MILF paradise
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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