On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
