dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
