just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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