I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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