Welp...herpes.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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