I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
they need to just BURY HIM!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
