You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
