If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
