We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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