so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
