Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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