Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize