People in love make me want to vomit
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
