I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
