I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
