My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
