I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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