I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
