Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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