I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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