Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
