He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
