yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
