Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You are a genius and a whore.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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