Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
