someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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