Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
