If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
