My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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