Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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