There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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