I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
