she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
