I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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