its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
