Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
