Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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